The Underworld Breakout
“That demon must be caught!” I
said to myself. This demon (which I
really wish didn’t exist) had escaped from the underworld. How do I know this?
An agency called up and claimed that there was a job with 200000$ as a reward.
I declined. Joking, of course I didn’t. Now, this demon was hard to locate, as
the only identification of it which I got was: it took a body of a bear, which
was big. And it was in the forest…
Suddenly, I heard a rustle. I was on
my guard, as quick as lightning. Then it attacked.
Hello Rishikesh,
ReplyDelete"The Underworld Breakout" is a good mission title. It caught my attention.:)
Your monster story draws in readers from the opening sentence. We prepare ourselves for the demonic creature and events. I see you also like to leave us hanging. We wonder what happened to you in the attack. Well done. :)
I noticed you weren't able to add a drawing of the creature. I know the Night Zookeeper would have been interested to see what the creature looked like.
Have you taken the opportunity to visit the entries of students from other schools? It is interesting to see how others have approached the prompt. Don’t forget to leave them a comment if you do visit. :)
I hope you keep entering the 100WC. You have a talent for building tension in resders.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
Hello Rishikesh,
ReplyDeleteI think your monster coming from the underworld was a unique idea. Your story is organized, and with a surprise ending. I was sure you would find the monster! I agree with Mr. Mannell, that a picture would have been a wonderful addition to your entry. Good work.
Barbara McFall (Team 100WC)
Teacher at The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA
Thank you very much Ms. McFall and Mr. Mannell!!!
ReplyDeleteThese comments really help me improvise!!