I smelled it before I saw it…
The vast structure made from
bubbles which looked natural although was man-made. Immediately I heard a gunshot,
next I heard silence, everywhere. A man dressed in the most bizarre costume
came up to me he had fair hair, and a face that was completely covered with freckles
from which glared two black beady eyes. He raised his fist at me in anger. I got furious and started shouting, using
language that had previously never passed my lips. The assailant tied me up, and put me in a
large bag.
I was being kidnapped...
Another action packed and mysterious piece of writing from you Zain! I do think that you should consider writing the next James Bond script!
ReplyDeleteGreat opening and ending lines...
Well done,
Mrs T.
Dear Zain,
ReplyDeletewell you had me gripped right from the opening sentence, I just wanted to know more about the smell. I wonder what made it. You have used some great words like assailant and bizarre. Some advice to make this piece even more feective would be to vary those sentence openers. Perhaps you could start with a pair of adjectives or 'ing' openers. Good luck and keep up this fabulous writing,
Mrs Duxbury (Team 100)
Hi Zain,
ReplyDeleteThis was a very well-written piece of writing. You used good vocabulary and wrote in such a way to grab the reader's attention. The reader is left wanting to know what happens next.
Do reread your work and listen for where you need a period.
Betsye Sargent(100 WC Team)