I was walking in the forest with my friend. Then, suddenly a yellow light appeared in front of us! It was very bright so, I closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my friend, Melly wasn't there. She had disappeared! I was standing alone because, an impossible thing happened; the unexpectedly colourful light sucked me up! Where am I going now? Then I felt really sleepy... I closed my eyes.
How long had I slept? Slowly I opened my eyes. I couldn't believe what I saw. I was in a huge balloon the size o me - I couldn't run away.
How long had I slept? Slowly I opened my eyes. I couldn't believe what I saw. I was in a huge balloon the size o me - I couldn't run away.
You did a good job developing your story and keeping the reader's attention. You made good use of descriptive language and varying the length of your sentences. "What will happen next," the reader wonders.
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