A spooky forest
In the forest, the clouds unleashed their heavy load, the
path looked endless, you know what, let’s do a flashback, me and my friend,
John, were having a race [by bike].So then we accidentally took the wrong turn and now we are lost ,however,
we took food and drinks. Just then, the thunder screeched like a boiling kettle.
“I think we should stop” groaned John. So there we are looking for a place to
sleep… Then I saw a bright light, it waved across the branches, “it’s the
police” whispered John then the police helped us go home.
Yanni, you really have listened in class and included a wide-range of punctuation. I really liked the simile you used for thunder.
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Mrs T.
That's an interesting opening Yanni - setting a moody, scary scene, then flipping back to an earlier time to describe how this situation arose. An original way to refer to thunder too; never heard it described in that way before. I like your rich vocabulary - it would have been so easy to say 'said John' rather than 'groaned John,' but your choice instead really adds life to the story. Well done.
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