I
went to Spain with my family, and then went to Majorca Island. We enjoyed playing
in the pool and in the sea. When I was on my boat with my brother in the ocean,
suddenly I heard a crack. I turned back to see the beach, I saw everybody was
dancing on the music. When I and my brother were watching at everybody, my
father turned over our boat. We are all in the sea. There were jellyfishes
around us. We yelled to each other and quickly got back to the boat. Finally we
got back to the beach.
i hope the trip was great i liked the theme of the family going on holidays it felt connecting
ReplyDeletegreat job
Hi Yuina, well done for entering the 100WC this week.
ReplyDeleteYou have used a range of connectives to add detail and move your story on (and, then, when, finally).
You have also written your story chronologically and this helps it to flow for your readers.
Maybe next time you could try to use some adjectives for description.
Well done and keep writing. :)