In the peaceful countryside lived an eleven year old curly
haired boy. He wore loose jeans that dragged along the floor. He took a glance
outside, the sun changed to orange then pink and then golden. His stomach was
starving, there was nothing to eat. He grabbed his fishing rod and went to a
nearby lake. The lake was as clear as a crystal. The rod was moving, he pulled
it up, out came the most monstrous fish he ever saw. He was frightened his
pulse raced his heart beated, he strangled the fish. And ate it raw. Munch !!!
What lovely description, Eesha. You have truly painted pictures with words for your readers. However, the ending was a bit gruesome:-). I guess the boy was very hungry!
ReplyDeleteTake care to put periods in to separate sentences to make it even fun to read. For instance, you could use a period or the word "so" after "rod was moving..." and after "pulled it up" and in the final lines, after "frightened" but not after "strangled the fish."
I enjoyed your story very much. Good job.
Barbara (Team 100WC)
Teacher at The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA
Thank you!!!
ReplyDelete